"just wanna something interesting...
CEO of J.P Morgan's Fantastic
reply to a Pretty
Girl
A young and pretty lady posted
this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to
marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of
what I'm going to say here:
I'm 25 this
year.
I'm very pretty, have
style and good taste.
I wish to marry a guy with
$500k annual salary or above.
You might say that I'm
greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is
considered
only as middle class in New
York .
My requirement is not
high:
Is there anyone in this forum
who has an income of $500k annual salary?
Are you all
married?
I wanted to ask: what should I
do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated,
the richest is $250k annual income, and it
seems
that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost
residential area on the west
of New York City Garden , $250k annual income
is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a
few questions:
1) Where do most rich
bachelors hang out?
(Please list down the names
and addresses
of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I
target?
3) Why most wives of the
riches is only average-looking?
I've met a few girls who
doesn't have looks and are not interesting,
but
they are able to marry rich
guys.
4) How do you decide who can
be your wife, and who can only be your
girlfriend? (my target now is
to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
;-)
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with
great interest.
Guess there are lots of girls
out there who have similar questions like
yours.
Please allow me to analyse
your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than
$500k, which meets your requirement, so I
hope everyone believes that
I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a
business person, it is a bad decision to marry
you.
The answer is very simple, so
let me explain.
Put the details aside, what
you're trying to do is an exchange of
"beauty"
and
"money":
Person A provides beauty, and
Person B pays for it, fair and
square.
However, there's a deadly
problem here, your beauty will fade, but my
money
will not be gone without any
good reason.
The fact is, my income might
increase from year to year, but you can't
be
prettier year after
year.
Hence from the viewpoint of
economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you
are a depreciation
asset.
It's not just normal
depreciation, but exponential depreciation.
If that is your only asset,
your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall
Street, every trading has a position,
dating
with you is also a
"trading position".
If the trade value dropped we
will sell it and it is not a good idea to
keep it for long term - same
goes with the marriage that you wanted.
It might be cruel to say this,
but in order to make a wiser decision any
assets with great depreciation
value will be sold or "leased".
Anyone with over $500k annual
income is not a fool; we would only date you,
but will not marry
you.
I would advice that you forget
looking for any clues to marry a rich guy.
And by the way, you could make
yourself to become a rich person with
$500k
annual income. This has better
chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you
are interested in "leasing" services,
do
contact me... :-)
:-D
J.P. Morgan CEO
.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
The Ecstacy of the Bar Exam
And if I could be in that same place, I would walk on that road with head high. Good or bad, I'll be sure I did it with my all, and I know no result can take away the feeling that I am a victor at my own end.
Most decent people in the city must be asleep by now. It's past 1am and yet here I am, awake and burning my eyes in front of a radiation-emitting screen. Probably because I can't keep my eyes closed on a saturday night, or another insomnia attack, or perhaps the excitement I feel at tomorrow's event.
Tomorrow, I meant today, the 2nd Sunday of the month of September, the 2nd chapter of the stressful bar exam is about to take place, about 6 hrs from now. Don't get me wrong, I won't be taking part of the exam, neither am I a law student. I'm just here to provide support for my brother who'll be battling with the exam.
But my un-involvement doesn't stop me from feeling the ecstacy this event has emitted. Compared to my board exam (CE Board Exam), bar exam excites me a lot more! Why?
Bar Operations
The excitement starts before even the exam begins. A night before the exam, concerned peers of the examinee gather to give full support to them. Their job ranges from providing them the comfort, food, emotional support, and even to the complicated exploration of tips and possible leakage that might be available.
The March to La Salle
The beauty of bar exam is its one location and the strict security. Compared to other licensure exam with volume of takers, Bar exam is conducted only in La Salle, Taft Avenue. As a result, come late and you'll find yourself on a long death march to the gate. And last week was a unlucky day, long line and a slightly rainy morning. Don't know how those takers felt marching near their future.
And you have to love the strictness and security in the area. One side of the road blocked. Non-takers can only watch the gate 500m away, and no brave soul would dare cross the line.
The Chants... I love the Chants
First time I've been in a bar exam, and I was shocked to see how many people stay on the nearest possible place they can get to wait for their friends, brod or sis, lovers, fathers, family, and even enemy for some. And when the first examiner walk out the gate, the chants start! From different school, from different frats, giving honors to their brothers by calling their name followed by their own chants. The energy wanna make you shout as well.
The walk of Fame...
And what I love mostly is the walk of fame. Since security is tight, examiners would have to walk out on one exit, with people eagerly waiting to see you. You can see lot of emotion coming from the examiners. Some are happy, some are emotionless, and some smiles like they just made it to the top. No other board exam give you the opportunity to show all the people how you did.
And if I could be in that same place, I would walk on that road with head high. Good or bad, I'll be sure I did it with my all, and I know no result can take away the feeling that I am a victor at my own end.
As for my brother, Abdel Jalil, CPA... You deserve a lot more than just passing, topping the board exam is no mere impossibility, it runs in the blood.:)
Most decent people in the city must be asleep by now. It's past 1am and yet here I am, awake and burning my eyes in front of a radiation-emitting screen. Probably because I can't keep my eyes closed on a saturday night, or another insomnia attack, or perhaps the excitement I feel at tomorrow's event.
Tomorrow, I meant today, the 2nd Sunday of the month of September, the 2nd chapter of the stressful bar exam is about to take place, about 6 hrs from now. Don't get me wrong, I won't be taking part of the exam, neither am I a law student. I'm just here to provide support for my brother who'll be battling with the exam.
But my un-involvement doesn't stop me from feeling the ecstacy this event has emitted. Compared to my board exam (CE Board Exam), bar exam excites me a lot more! Why?
Bar Operations
The excitement starts before even the exam begins. A night before the exam, concerned peers of the examinee gather to give full support to them. Their job ranges from providing them the comfort, food, emotional support, and even to the complicated exploration of tips and possible leakage that might be available.
The March to La Salle
The beauty of bar exam is its one location and the strict security. Compared to other licensure exam with volume of takers, Bar exam is conducted only in La Salle, Taft Avenue. As a result, come late and you'll find yourself on a long death march to the gate. And last week was a unlucky day, long line and a slightly rainy morning. Don't know how those takers felt marching near their future.
And you have to love the strictness and security in the area. One side of the road blocked. Non-takers can only watch the gate 500m away, and no brave soul would dare cross the line.
The Chants... I love the Chants
First time I've been in a bar exam, and I was shocked to see how many people stay on the nearest possible place they can get to wait for their friends, brod or sis, lovers, fathers, family, and even enemy for some. And when the first examiner walk out the gate, the chants start! From different school, from different frats, giving honors to their brothers by calling their name followed by their own chants. The energy wanna make you shout as well.
The walk of Fame...
And what I love mostly is the walk of fame. Since security is tight, examiners would have to walk out on one exit, with people eagerly waiting to see you. You can see lot of emotion coming from the examiners. Some are happy, some are emotionless, and some smiles like they just made it to the top. No other board exam give you the opportunity to show all the people how you did.
And if I could be in that same place, I would walk on that road with head high. Good or bad, I'll be sure I did it with my all, and I know no result can take away the feeling that I am a victor at my own end.
As for my brother, Abdel Jalil, CPA... You deserve a lot more than just passing, topping the board exam is no mere impossibility, it runs in the blood.:)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
MisadVentures of Inday (Time to Laugh)
Nahihirapan na si Dodong
Nov 6th, 2007 by Inday
Nahihirapan na si Dodong sa pagka-high maintenance ni Inday kaya’t naisipan nyang kausapin ito habang nagde-date sila.
Dodong: Babes, you know naman na love kita diba? Pero, nahihirapan na ako eh…
Inday: What do you mean? Are you emotionally distressed? or something neurological? Is it your heart? Palpitations? Or arrythmia perhaps? Tell me…
Dodong: Babes, ba’t naman napasok math dito? What I mean is… hindi na kaya ng budget ko tuwing lumalabas tayo. Mahal ng IMAX tickets, yung pagStaStarbucks natin…pati yung pagpapa-spa or kung tinopak ka naman eat all you can sa ShangriLa Hotel ang gusto mong merienda. 5 months na akong naka-cash advance babes eh. Tinigil ko na nga ang pagmamagic (The Gathering) ko and binenta ko na rin character ko sa Ragnarok pero kulang pa rin eh. Hirap talaga.
Inday: (natahimik si Inday), are you saying that… we’ll hang out at McCafe for coffee instead? Dodong, why can’t you understand my life? I have an image to protect. You can’t expect us to go back to hanging out at the park, consuming dirty ice cream while riding in a sidecar. That has to change…
Dodong: I see… ok, papahinto ko na lang siguro muna yung 2 pamangkin na pinapaaral ko tutal ayaw na raw nila sa Don Bosco eh.
Inday: Great! Tell you what, let me make it up to you. On our next date I’ll prepare a sumptuous meal for you provided that you do the grocery ok?
Dodong: Ok. Ganun na lang siguro. Thanks babes! *mwah*
Flash Report
Sep 27th, 2007 by admin
FLASH REPORT: Inday is alive she’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that, the impostora of Inday was killed. Ederlyn (Inday’s neighbor) was the mastermind.
SOCO: Bakit mo siya pinapatay?
Ederlyn: Kasi inagaw niya sa akin si Dodong!
Inday: Mythomaniac! He was never yours.
Ederlyn: Dong, di ba mahal mo din ako?
Dodong: I never…. said… that I loved you.
Chef Tony’s Popcorn
Dec 15th, 2008 by manager
Isang hapon habang nagkwekwentuhan at nagmemerienda ang barkada sa may sari sari store ay napadaan ang maglalako.
Maglalako: Hooppp…. Hopppp…. Hopppiamanipop… (napatigil ito sa nakitang pinapapak nila Inday)
Dodong: Sarap pala nito Inday, daig pa yung nabibiling popcorn sa tabi tabi.
Maglalako: Wow ang sosyal niyo naman, Chef Tony’s popcorn.
Inday: Of course, would you like some? (alok sa maglalako)
Biglang napadaan din ang pulubi at nakihingi na rin.
Pulubi: Care to offer me some of those too Inday?
Inday: Sure help yourself!
Maglalako: (matapos makakain ng ilang popcorn) … May joke ako. Ano ang last name ni Chef Tony?
Napaisip ang mga tao…
Ederlyn: Ferrer? Chef Tony Ferrer?
Pulubi: DaTiger? Chef Tony DaTiger?
Maglalako: Nope.. nope… sirit na?
Ethan: O sige sirit na kami.
Maglalako: Ede Alarcon! Hahahaha.
Inday: Chef Tony Alarcon? (mukhang di na-gets ni Inday)
Pacquiao vs De La Hoya match
Dec 7th, 2008 by manager
Sama-samang nanonood ng laban nila Pacquiao at De La Hoya ang pamilya Montemayor sa 50″ Plasma TV. Kasama ring nanonood si Inday.
Junior: Wow ate Inday buti magkaibigan kayo ni Pacman. Napakabitan tuloy tayo ng Pay-per-view ng libre!
Tuwang tuwa ang pamilya at nakakanood sila ng laban ng Live. Nagsigawan sila sa tuwing nakaka-connect si Pacman sa kanyang mga suntok. Nainis sila nung inipit ni De La Hoya ang braso ni Pacquiao upang makalibre ng suntok. At nagpalakpakan at naghiyawan nang sumuko na si De La Hoya sa simula ng 9th round.
Pagkatapos ng post-game announcements and interview…
Inday: Ok ok, fight’s over! I would like to rest now so kindly exit my room.
Mr. and Mrs.: Sige na nga, salamat ulit Inday at nakanood kami sa TV mo.
Junior: Thank you ate Inday!
Inday: You’re all welcome.
Kinagabihan, narinig ni sir na may kausap si Inday sa telepono.
Inday: … your interview. We should converse more so that you’d be more comfortable answering those questions in English… Yeah… Ok… You too… Congrats again! Take care! (sabay baba ng phone)
Sir: Si ano ba yun… si..?
Inday: Yeah it’s Manny calling from his hotel asking if I saw his fight.
BLAG! Hinimatay si sir.
Ang Pulubi ulit
Feb 25th, 2008 by Inday
Isang hapon, dumaan na naman ang pulubi sa kanila Inday. Kumakatok ito sa gate at nanghihingi ng makakain.
Amo: Inday, bigay mo nga ang tirang pandesal dun sa pulubi sa gate.
Inday: Yes madam!
Pumunta si Inday sa gate at inabot sa pulubi ang pandesal. Nanonood lang ang amo nya sa may pinto.
Inday: Here! Off you go!
Tinanggap ng pulubi ang tinapay…
Pulubi: Uhh thanks but uhh, maybe you have some bruschetta lying around also that you can give me.
Nagulat ang amo ni Inday sa narinig na request ng pulubi.
Inday: No! Besides, it is not proper for mendicants to be indicatrous of preferences.
Dumugo ilong ng amo sa narinig na sagot ni Inday.
Pulubi: Ok. (malungkot na pagkasabi)
May kinuhang garapon na may lamang likodo ang pulubi sa kanyang lumang Crumpler na bag. Binuksan nya ito at sinawsaw ang pandesal sa likido at kinain.
Nakita ng amo ni Inday ang ginawa ng pulubi at na curious…
Amo: Inday, anong ginagawa nya sa tinapay?
Inday: It seems that he’s dipping it in olive oil.
Pulubi: No, it’s extra virgin olive oil.
Hinimatay ang amo.
Ang Pulubi take 2
Jan 10th, 2008 by manager
AMO: Inday, may pulubi sa gate paalisin mo nga..
INDAY: Right away!
INDAY to BEGGAR: Hey you putrid-smelling beggar with the diverse ambiance of scented junk that assails everybody’s nostrils and poisons everyone’s fresh and carbon free lungs, please go away now!
BEGGAR: What?! Who do you think you are you pathetic trying hard nanny! How could you, a social climber and a very low grade mammal, underestimate a high-class beggar like me?! The hell with you!
INDAY: Nakakasakit ka na ah! Ma’am o ayaw umalis!
- Hmmm, ba’t parang laging talo si Inday sa pulubi? Baka noon pa ito nangyari nung di pa sya ganung kagaling sa mga comebacks. - manager
Fruit Salad
Dec 26th, 2007 by manager
May handaan sa Montemayor household para sa kanilang noche buena. Kasama ang kanilang mga kamag-anak na galing abroad.
Nasa kusina si Junior at si ma’am na tilang may ginagawang putahe.
Junior: Every Christmas si nanay ang laging bida ng noche buena.
Napa-smile ang nanay ni Junior sa sinabi nya…
Junior: Lagi naming hinihintay ang fruit salad nya. It’s really the best kaya…
Napahinto si Junior nang may narinig silang nag-uusap usap sa hapag-kainan.
Bisita #1: Wow ang sarap nitong fruit salad ah. Kakaiba!
Bisita #2: Oo nga eh, there are too many different tastes but they’re not competing with each other. Who did this?
Mr. Montemayor: Ahh gawa ni Inday yan, yung maid namin na magaling sa kusina. Inday anong klaseng fruit salad ba ito?
Inday: Oh I decided to try something different from the usual fare of madam. It’s still fruit salad but with lemon verbena. There are strawberries, mangoes, blueberries, raspberries, a bit of orange-flavored liquer and chopped lemon verbena. It’s really quite a treat for the tongue that’s used to the old and unoriginal fruit cocktail served with all-purpose cream.
BLAG! May narinig silang nagdabog sa kusina at sinundan ng pagkabasag ng pinggan.
Christmas Carol
Dec 25th, 2007 by Inday
Dumalaw ang iba pang mga kamag-anak ng Montemayor family sa kanila upang mag-celebrate ng Christmas Party. Nag-pasiklaban ang mga batang pinsan ni Junior para makatanggap ng pera. May kumanta, nag-piano, sumayaw ng Papaya, nag pluta…
Syempre di papatalo si Ma’am…
Amo: Ok Junior, sing for us naman. Show mo yung Christmas Carol na tinuturo sa’yo ni Inday. Diba matagal mo nang pinapractice yun? Let’s hear it naman ‘nak.
Mahiyang pumwesto si Junior sa harapan nila…
Amo: We’re so busy with the Christmas shopping kaya wala kaming time na turuan si Junior ng mga Christmas Carols. Buti na lang andito si Inday, our maid, para maturuan sya. (paliwanag ni Ma’am sa mga bisita)
At kumanta na nga si Junior…
“Ecstasy towards the celestial sphere, let the planet receive its sovereign!!
Let every blood pumping organ, organize him accommodation,
Let Nirvana and physical world utter harmonious sounds!!! (2x)
Let nirvana, nirvana and the physical world utter harmonious sounds…”
Napatunganga na lang ang mga bisita pati na rin sina ma’am. May isang nasamid sa Sprite. Meron ding nag-nosebleed. Di ata nila kinaya ang version ni Inday ng “Joy to the World”.
Potluck
Dec 28th, 2008 by manager
Dumalaw ang pamilya Montemayor sa kanilang kumare at kumpare na kapitbahay para mag-celebrate ng post-Christmas lunch. Potluck ang usapan kaya nagbaon ng pagkain ang pamilya.
Pagbukas ng pinto ay sinalubong sila ni kumare.
Kumare: Amiga!! you’re just in time halos kumpleto na ang pagkain natin. May pansit, lechon, hipon… ano ba yang dinala mo?
Mrs.: Kumare eto o Maja Blanca for dessert!
Kumare: Uyyy dessert… sinong gumawa?
Mrs: Ako syempre, kagabi lang yan!
Kumare: Ahh ganun ba? (parang na-dismaya)
Tinawag ang maid nila.
Kumare: Ederlyn!!
Ederlyn: Ano po yun ati?
Kumare: Kunin mo itong Maja Blanca at ilagay mo dun sa mesa sa tabi kasama ng fruit salad.
Ederlyn: Opo ati. (kinuha ang Maja Blanca at umalis)
Kumare: Baka meron ka pang tinatagong iba dyan mare?
Mrs.: Ha… baket? Kulang ba yung handa?
Umentra si Inday na nasa likod nila Mr. and Mrs. Montemayor at may dalang pagkain na nakalagay sa loob ng stainless steel na container.
Kumare: Ohhhh kasama niyo pala si Inday. (mukhang natuwa)
Kumare: Inday ano yang dala mo?
Inday: Oh just something I concocted earlier before we went here just in case the feast today lacks oomph.
Nilapag ni Inday sa mesa ang dala at binuksan.
Inday: Nothing special, just salt-roasted potatoes sprinkled with Gross El, a coarse grey salt that is quite popular in France. It’s tasty yet not overpowering which is what a side dish should be.
Kumare: (nanlake ang mga mata) OOhhh…. perfect!! Pwede!! (tuwang tuwa)
Kumare: Ederlyn!! Pakilagay itong dala ni Inday sa gitna ng mesa katabi ng lechon. Ayusin mo rin yung food lamp ng lechon ha para mailawan din ito.
Mrs. (mukhang nalugi at siniko si Mister) Sabi sayo wag na naten isama si Inday eh! Kahit ako na lang ang magbantay kay Junior.
Hope you guys had a satisfying Christmas meal!
Nov 6th, 2007 by Inday
Nahihirapan na si Dodong sa pagka-high maintenance ni Inday kaya’t naisipan nyang kausapin ito habang nagde-date sila.
Dodong: Babes, you know naman na love kita diba? Pero, nahihirapan na ako eh…
Inday: What do you mean? Are you emotionally distressed? or something neurological? Is it your heart? Palpitations? Or arrythmia perhaps? Tell me…
Dodong: Babes, ba’t naman napasok math dito? What I mean is… hindi na kaya ng budget ko tuwing lumalabas tayo. Mahal ng IMAX tickets, yung pagStaStarbucks natin…pati yung pagpapa-spa or kung tinopak ka naman eat all you can sa ShangriLa Hotel ang gusto mong merienda. 5 months na akong naka-cash advance babes eh. Tinigil ko na nga ang pagmamagic (The Gathering) ko and binenta ko na rin character ko sa Ragnarok pero kulang pa rin eh. Hirap talaga.
Inday: (natahimik si Inday), are you saying that… we’ll hang out at McCafe for coffee instead? Dodong, why can’t you understand my life? I have an image to protect. You can’t expect us to go back to hanging out at the park, consuming dirty ice cream while riding in a sidecar. That has to change…
Dodong: I see… ok, papahinto ko na lang siguro muna yung 2 pamangkin na pinapaaral ko tutal ayaw na raw nila sa Don Bosco eh.
Inday: Great! Tell you what, let me make it up to you. On our next date I’ll prepare a sumptuous meal for you provided that you do the grocery ok?
Dodong: Ok. Ganun na lang siguro. Thanks babes! *mwah*
Flash Report
Sep 27th, 2007 by admin
FLASH REPORT: Inday is alive she’s not yet dead. SOCO found out that, the impostora of Inday was killed. Ederlyn (Inday’s neighbor) was the mastermind.
SOCO: Bakit mo siya pinapatay?
Ederlyn: Kasi inagaw niya sa akin si Dodong!
Inday: Mythomaniac! He was never yours.
Ederlyn: Dong, di ba mahal mo din ako?
Dodong: I never…. said… that I loved you.
Chef Tony’s Popcorn
Dec 15th, 2008 by manager
Isang hapon habang nagkwekwentuhan at nagmemerienda ang barkada sa may sari sari store ay napadaan ang maglalako.
Maglalako: Hooppp…. Hopppp…. Hopppiamanipop… (napatigil ito sa nakitang pinapapak nila Inday)
Dodong: Sarap pala nito Inday, daig pa yung nabibiling popcorn sa tabi tabi.
Maglalako: Wow ang sosyal niyo naman, Chef Tony’s popcorn.
Inday: Of course, would you like some? (alok sa maglalako)
Biglang napadaan din ang pulubi at nakihingi na rin.
Pulubi: Care to offer me some of those too Inday?
Inday: Sure help yourself!
Maglalako: (matapos makakain ng ilang popcorn) … May joke ako. Ano ang last name ni Chef Tony?
Napaisip ang mga tao…
Ederlyn: Ferrer? Chef Tony Ferrer?
Pulubi: DaTiger? Chef Tony DaTiger?
Maglalako: Nope.. nope… sirit na?
Ethan: O sige sirit na kami.
Maglalako: Ede Alarcon! Hahahaha.
Inday: Chef Tony Alarcon? (mukhang di na-gets ni Inday)
Pacquiao vs De La Hoya match
Dec 7th, 2008 by manager
Sama-samang nanonood ng laban nila Pacquiao at De La Hoya ang pamilya Montemayor sa 50″ Plasma TV. Kasama ring nanonood si Inday.
Junior: Wow ate Inday buti magkaibigan kayo ni Pacman. Napakabitan tuloy tayo ng Pay-per-view ng libre!
Tuwang tuwa ang pamilya at nakakanood sila ng laban ng Live. Nagsigawan sila sa tuwing nakaka-connect si Pacman sa kanyang mga suntok. Nainis sila nung inipit ni De La Hoya ang braso ni Pacquiao upang makalibre ng suntok. At nagpalakpakan at naghiyawan nang sumuko na si De La Hoya sa simula ng 9th round.
Pagkatapos ng post-game announcements and interview…
Inday: Ok ok, fight’s over! I would like to rest now so kindly exit my room.
Mr. and Mrs.: Sige na nga, salamat ulit Inday at nakanood kami sa TV mo.
Junior: Thank you ate Inday!
Inday: You’re all welcome.
Kinagabihan, narinig ni sir na may kausap si Inday sa telepono.
Inday: … your interview. We should converse more so that you’d be more comfortable answering those questions in English… Yeah… Ok… You too… Congrats again! Take care! (sabay baba ng phone)
Sir: Si ano ba yun… si..?
Inday: Yeah it’s Manny calling from his hotel asking if I saw his fight.
BLAG! Hinimatay si sir.
Ang Pulubi ulit
Feb 25th, 2008 by Inday
Isang hapon, dumaan na naman ang pulubi sa kanila Inday. Kumakatok ito sa gate at nanghihingi ng makakain.
Amo: Inday, bigay mo nga ang tirang pandesal dun sa pulubi sa gate.
Inday: Yes madam!
Pumunta si Inday sa gate at inabot sa pulubi ang pandesal. Nanonood lang ang amo nya sa may pinto.
Inday: Here! Off you go!
Tinanggap ng pulubi ang tinapay…
Pulubi: Uhh thanks but uhh, maybe you have some bruschetta lying around also that you can give me.
Nagulat ang amo ni Inday sa narinig na request ng pulubi.
Inday: No! Besides, it is not proper for mendicants to be indicatrous of preferences.
Dumugo ilong ng amo sa narinig na sagot ni Inday.
Pulubi: Ok. (malungkot na pagkasabi)
May kinuhang garapon na may lamang likodo ang pulubi sa kanyang lumang Crumpler na bag. Binuksan nya ito at sinawsaw ang pandesal sa likido at kinain.
Nakita ng amo ni Inday ang ginawa ng pulubi at na curious…
Amo: Inday, anong ginagawa nya sa tinapay?
Inday: It seems that he’s dipping it in olive oil.
Pulubi: No, it’s extra virgin olive oil.
Hinimatay ang amo.
Ang Pulubi take 2
Jan 10th, 2008 by manager
AMO: Inday, may pulubi sa gate paalisin mo nga..
INDAY: Right away!
INDAY to BEGGAR: Hey you putrid-smelling beggar with the diverse ambiance of scented junk that assails everybody’s nostrils and poisons everyone’s fresh and carbon free lungs, please go away now!
BEGGAR: What?! Who do you think you are you pathetic trying hard nanny! How could you, a social climber and a very low grade mammal, underestimate a high-class beggar like me?! The hell with you!
INDAY: Nakakasakit ka na ah! Ma’am o ayaw umalis!
- Hmmm, ba’t parang laging talo si Inday sa pulubi? Baka noon pa ito nangyari nung di pa sya ganung kagaling sa mga comebacks. - manager
Fruit Salad
Dec 26th, 2007 by manager
May handaan sa Montemayor household para sa kanilang noche buena. Kasama ang kanilang mga kamag-anak na galing abroad.
Nasa kusina si Junior at si ma’am na tilang may ginagawang putahe.
Junior: Every Christmas si nanay ang laging bida ng noche buena.
Napa-smile ang nanay ni Junior sa sinabi nya…
Junior: Lagi naming hinihintay ang fruit salad nya. It’s really the best kaya…
Napahinto si Junior nang may narinig silang nag-uusap usap sa hapag-kainan.
Bisita #1: Wow ang sarap nitong fruit salad ah. Kakaiba!
Bisita #2: Oo nga eh, there are too many different tastes but they’re not competing with each other. Who did this?
Mr. Montemayor: Ahh gawa ni Inday yan, yung maid namin na magaling sa kusina. Inday anong klaseng fruit salad ba ito?
Inday: Oh I decided to try something different from the usual fare of madam. It’s still fruit salad but with lemon verbena. There are strawberries, mangoes, blueberries, raspberries, a bit of orange-flavored liquer and chopped lemon verbena. It’s really quite a treat for the tongue that’s used to the old and unoriginal fruit cocktail served with all-purpose cream.
BLAG! May narinig silang nagdabog sa kusina at sinundan ng pagkabasag ng pinggan.
Christmas Carol
Dec 25th, 2007 by Inday
Dumalaw ang iba pang mga kamag-anak ng Montemayor family sa kanila upang mag-celebrate ng Christmas Party. Nag-pasiklaban ang mga batang pinsan ni Junior para makatanggap ng pera. May kumanta, nag-piano, sumayaw ng Papaya, nag pluta…
Syempre di papatalo si Ma’am…
Amo: Ok Junior, sing for us naman. Show mo yung Christmas Carol na tinuturo sa’yo ni Inday. Diba matagal mo nang pinapractice yun? Let’s hear it naman ‘nak.
Mahiyang pumwesto si Junior sa harapan nila…
Amo: We’re so busy with the Christmas shopping kaya wala kaming time na turuan si Junior ng mga Christmas Carols. Buti na lang andito si Inday, our maid, para maturuan sya. (paliwanag ni Ma’am sa mga bisita)
At kumanta na nga si Junior…
“Ecstasy towards the celestial sphere, let the planet receive its sovereign!!
Let every blood pumping organ, organize him accommodation,
Let Nirvana and physical world utter harmonious sounds!!! (2x)
Let nirvana, nirvana and the physical world utter harmonious sounds…”
Napatunganga na lang ang mga bisita pati na rin sina ma’am. May isang nasamid sa Sprite. Meron ding nag-nosebleed. Di ata nila kinaya ang version ni Inday ng “Joy to the World”.
Potluck
Dec 28th, 2008 by manager
Dumalaw ang pamilya Montemayor sa kanilang kumare at kumpare na kapitbahay para mag-celebrate ng post-Christmas lunch. Potluck ang usapan kaya nagbaon ng pagkain ang pamilya.
Pagbukas ng pinto ay sinalubong sila ni kumare.
Kumare: Amiga!! you’re just in time halos kumpleto na ang pagkain natin. May pansit, lechon, hipon… ano ba yang dinala mo?
Mrs.: Kumare eto o Maja Blanca for dessert!
Kumare: Uyyy dessert… sinong gumawa?
Mrs: Ako syempre, kagabi lang yan!
Kumare: Ahh ganun ba? (parang na-dismaya)
Tinawag ang maid nila.
Kumare: Ederlyn!!
Ederlyn: Ano po yun ati?
Kumare: Kunin mo itong Maja Blanca at ilagay mo dun sa mesa sa tabi kasama ng fruit salad.
Ederlyn: Opo ati. (kinuha ang Maja Blanca at umalis)
Kumare: Baka meron ka pang tinatagong iba dyan mare?
Mrs.: Ha… baket? Kulang ba yung handa?
Umentra si Inday na nasa likod nila Mr. and Mrs. Montemayor at may dalang pagkain na nakalagay sa loob ng stainless steel na container.
Kumare: Ohhhh kasama niyo pala si Inday. (mukhang natuwa)
Kumare: Inday ano yang dala mo?
Inday: Oh just something I concocted earlier before we went here just in case the feast today lacks oomph.
Nilapag ni Inday sa mesa ang dala at binuksan.
Inday: Nothing special, just salt-roasted potatoes sprinkled with Gross El, a coarse grey salt that is quite popular in France. It’s tasty yet not overpowering which is what a side dish should be.
Kumare: (nanlake ang mga mata) OOhhh…. perfect!! Pwede!! (tuwang tuwa)
Kumare: Ederlyn!! Pakilagay itong dala ni Inday sa gitna ng mesa katabi ng lechon. Ayusin mo rin yung food lamp ng lechon ha para mailawan din ito.
Mrs. (mukhang nalugi at siniko si Mister) Sabi sayo wag na naten isama si Inday eh! Kahit ako na lang ang magbantay kay Junior.
Hope you guys had a satisfying Christmas meal!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
MisadVentures of Inday (Time to Laugh)
Inner Beauty
Mar 17th, 2008 by Inday
Patulog na sana si Inday pagkatapos niyang manood ng Oprah. Pero dahil medyo hindi pa siya inaantok, nagpasya siyang ilipat ang channel at nagkataong Bb. Pilipinas 2008 pala ang palabas sa GMA. At tiyempong Q and A pa ang naabutan niya kaya medyo nagising ang ulirat niya nang nagtanong na ang isang judge tungkol sa kahalagahan ng pamilya sa pagsali ng isang kandidata sa naturang beauty pageant.
Bago pa man sumagot ang kandidata, sinabi ni Inday sa sarili, “Lucky for her, that is a very plain and straightforward question!”.
Ngunit napanganga si Inday nang marinig nya ang kasagutan ng binibini,
“Well, my family’s role for me is so important because there was the, they’re they was the one whose very, ha-ha; oh I’m so sorry. Ah my family, my family, oh my God, I’m, okay. I’m so sorry; I, I told you that I’m so confident; ah wait, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, uhm, sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever. Because I’m only 17 years old and I did not expect that I came from, I came from the one of the to(f)p 10; uhm, so, but I said that my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you.”
Pagkarinig ng mga pahayag ng Binibini, nasabi nya na lang sa sarili…
“What a loss! She has the potential of a would-be beauty queen. However, by the way she responded to the query, her height definitely did not compensate with her ability to communicate fluently in English. She should have instead, consistently converged in Filipino throughout her answer. Worst, she still managed to qualify that her age had something to do with her difficulty.”
Sabay lipat ng channel..
Ngunit dahil na rin sa hindi pa siya dinalaw ng antok, at dala na rin ng kuryosidad kung sinu-sino ang mga tatanghaling kandidata na magrerepresenta sa Pilipinas sa mga internasyonal na paligsahan ng ganda, talino at talento, nagawa pa niyang panuorin ang koronasyon.
Laking gulat niya sa announcement ng mga nanalo ay nasama sa tatlong pinakamasayang Filipina sa gabing iyon ang kandidatang pinagsabihan niyang “What a loss!”.
Ngunit may parang bagong realisasyon sa sarili si Inday,
“Well, maybe (took a deep audible breath and a bit affected) they saw in her inner beauty, which is not gauged by mere sugarcoating of words or grammatically-correct construction of sentences, but more of being real and true to oneself and admitting that she has flaws and is ergo, imperfect. That may have made her win the crown, if all things were equal that is. However, to further develop her communication skills especially that she will represent our country in the future international pageant, she must at least continuously correspond to people like me, who’s adept in English fluency and are connoisseurs of beauty pageants e.g. past beauty queens themselves.”
Meet Arajaya
Feb 20th, 2008 by Inday
Arajaya was sipping her cup of brewed coffee served with hot pandesal by Coffeebean – so Filipino – so indigent – when a group of infamous people started to occupy the nearby infamous café a.k.a Starbucks. They were so noisy that Arajaya’s blood boiled – temperature almost reaching 412 kelvin.
But since Arajaya is a woman of sophistication, she decided to just ignore the crowd and let them live the way they wanted.
Suddenly, she felt a strong chill. She felt a very odd sensation from her nape to her head – the FEELING of being watched. But then again, Arajaya never gave a damn.
When she was about to eat her hot pandesal, she started to hear a familiar voice from her back.
“What a very small world” said the woman in a maid’s uniform.
Arajaya turned around and was surprised by what she saw.
“Well if my hippocampus serves me right, you are Arajaya, my former friend who turned her back from me. Aren’t you?”
“Wow! What a very well rehearsed introduction. Inday – my former friend who framed me up to escape a crime she’d done. Who would forget that sweet demonic voice – your pitch and intonation as well as your liaising?
“Basing from the gesture of your not so well-developed bone structure predominantly – your skull – that gave you a very elongated face and the kind of food that you have right now, you are about to nosh your stomach with an impecunious meal they called ‘Kape’t pandesal’, uh – was that right?” said Inday as if ridiculing her.
“Yes. Would you like a bite?” replied Arajaya.
“Thanks but no thanks. But would you mind if you join me at Starbucks instead of taking your breakfast in this approximately forsaken café with a very ghastly ambience?” said Inday. “I also want you to try my favorite Venti Java Chip Frappuccino along with cold sandwich and some Choux pastries. Don’t worry, my treat!”
Inday offered Arajaya to join her at Starbucks instead of Coffeebean…
Arajaya stared at Inday, sneered at her then opened her MacBook Pro.
“Thank you for the offer but I prefer Coffeebean to Starbucks. I just think that Starbucks is a den of social climbers and bourgeoisies like you.”
“Oh, dear! Don’t you think you’re getting rude, I just want you to experience life. Okay, I’ll – ” Inday was interrupted when she saw Arajaya busy working with her MacBook.
“And what are you trying to do Arajaya?” asked Inday impolitely.
“Hmm… nothing so important. You wouldn’t understand it even if I tell you.”
“Are you trying to undervalue my comprehension by implying that I will not understand the philosophy that you are doing with your MacBook? C’mon, don’t be so supercilious friend!”
“Okay, I am configuring its IEEE 802.15 to perpetuate the distribution of electromagnetic waves from the medium access control and the physical layer to the transport layer. Later, I will also track the process from the session layers in with the packets are sent and processed for the presentation layer to convert the signals into binary form. Example, if I tried to send “Inday go to hell” message, it will me converted to its hexadecimal value which is 496E49617900676F0068656C6C which will later be converted to its binary value of 010010010111 1110010010010 110000101111001 00000000011001110 110111100000 000011010000110011 10110110001100110. Then, the application layer will check the binary value for error detection using parity bit (even). If there are errors, it will fix the message then sends it to the ALU for processing which will be passed to the CU for data transfer. Satisfied?”
Inday remained silent for awhile then ran back to Starbucks when she heard “1 Venti Java Chip Frappuccino for Inday!” to get her order.
“Starbucks bullshit!” said Arajaya to herself.
After eating, she decided to go back to her work and accidentally passed by in front of Starbucks when she heard Inday…
“I was so careless. I thought that the wit I have in me which I found flamboyant in using any language I know of would simply astound them. I was just mortified that it took me a little pinch of effort not to step beyond the waterline, to just impart to the people I formerly know of that I have grown into a better personage – not just a chambermaid whom others look down to. I was so disgraced by the thing I heard awhile ago and my heart beat faster than normal that I suffered from the incapability of speaking. Good thing that barista called my name. I just wish that someday, I would be able to face my worst nightmare that is yet to come – yet to come that will consume me and bury me to death. I just wish that day isn’t coming yet.”
- Inday nag-emote matapos matabla ni Arajaya sa Coffeebean.
Wowowee Part 1
Feb 10th, 2008 by Inday
Naging contestants sina Inday at Ederlyn sa Wowowee.
Willie: Kapamilya, ang ating mga kalahok ngayon ay mga maid or mga yaya… mga kasambahay minsan kung tawagin. Sila ang dahilan kung baket nananatiling malinis ang bahay natin, may pagkain sa hapagkainan kung pagod tayo para magluto. Sila ang naghuhugas ng pinggan, naglalaba at nag-aalaga sa mga anak natin. Aminin na naten, mahihirapan din tayo pag wala sila.
Willie: Sige tawagin na naten ang mga unang maglalaro.
Umentra sina Inday at Ederlyn at pumwesto sa magkabilang panig ni Willie.
Kinausap muna ni Willie si Ederlyn. Excited sobra si Ederlyn, sigaw ng sigaw ng “Papiii”!!
Willie: Hello kamusta ka? Anong name mo?
Ederlyn: Ederlyn po papi!! I’m fine thanks!!! (excited talaga)
Willie: Ederlyn, taga-saang probinsya ka?
Ederlyn: I’m from here lang in Metro Manila papi!!! You’re hansam pala in personal!
Willie: Wow, thank you ha. Ilang taon ka na Ederlyn?
Ederlyn: 20 po papi!!
Willie: Ahh, kamusta mga magulang mo, nasan sila?
Ederlyn: Di ko po alam papi!! In their house lang yun siguro. I am staying with my amo.
Willie: Ahhh so sino yung nagbabantay ng bahay ngayon? Alam ba ng amo mo na nandito ka sa Wowowee?
Ederlyn: Yung amo ko po nag-stay sa house. Pinayagan nya naman ako at she also gave me bus fare to go here so I could join.
Willie: Wow, ang bait naman. Meron ka bang message para sa amo mo?
Ederlyn: Ma’am thank you po for giving me pamasahe to go here, don’t worry I will pay you. The trash at the back I will throw later, I am not finish sweeping the floor in your room. The fruit salad in the ref is already panis, don’t eat it. Pa-throw na lang po in the trash can.
Willie: Aba! Astig ka rin ah, inutusan mo pa amo mo. Sa magulang mo baka may message ka.
Ederlyn: Ahmm… Nay, Tay! How are you guys? I’m doing fine here at Wowowee. I know you are watching me. Thank you for your patronage. That’s all papi!
Willie: Nyak! O sige anong talent mo?
Ederlyn: I will sing po papi! Nothing’s gonna change my love for you!
Willie: O sige, Ladies and Gentlemen… Miss Ederlyn.
Kinuha ni Ederlyn ang mikropono at pumunta na sa gitna at nagsimulang kumanta.
Ederlyn: If I had to live my life without you near me…. The days would all be empty…
Umabot na sa chorus…
Ederlyn: Nothing’s gonna change my love for you, you know naman my love how much I love you. One thing you can be sure of, I’ll never ask for more than your love…
At natapos na rin si Ederlyn. Naghiyawan at nagtawanan ang mga tao. Pati si Willie di makatigil sa kakatawa.
Willie: Ayos ka rin Ederlyn! Lalabas siguro ito sa youtube. Anyway, eto ang five thousand pesos mo pati ang gift bag from Liveraide!!
Ederlyn: (tuwang tuwa) Thank you po Kuya Willie!!
Willie: O sige dito naman tayo sa next contestant naten.
Humarap si Willie kay Inday na mukhang nabobored.
Willie: Hi miss, anong name mo?
Inday: Hi Mr. Revillame, my name is Inday.
Willie: Aba isa pang inglesera. Ok mga katulong naten ngayon ah, nakakaaliw sila.
Willie: So Inday, how are you today?
Inday: I just answered that question earlier. If you have nothing else left to ask, can we just continue?
Willie: Ahhmm, it’s ok. I still have some questions for you. Ahh, what province are you from?
Inday: I’m from the City of Majestic Waterfalls, Iligan.
Willie: Ahhh, that’s very nice. Is your parents there? Why don’t you greet them?
Inday: Yes, they’re there but my mom does not watch Wowowee. She usually watch The Tyra Banks Show at this time of the day. My dad seldom watches TV.
Willie: Oh I see, why doesn’t she watch Wowowee, am I not handsome or funny for her?
Inday: Let’s just say that it might have something to do with substance, plus Tyra is more pleasing to the eye than you.
Napahiya si Willie.
Willie: Ohh ok. Well greet her anyways, maybe she change the channel during commercial.
Pumayag na rin si Inday na batiin ang kanyang nanay.
Inday: Hi Mom, if you’re really watching this…
Sumingit saglit si Willie.
Willie: Inday, why don’t you greet her in your dialect?
Inday: (Tinignan ng masama si Willie) Why don’t you keep quiet for a sec and let me greet her in my own way?
Napahiya ulit si Willie…
Willie: Ok sorry, please continue.
Inday: Hi mom, please check your Paypal account to see if the money I sent you has arrived. Did you like the Marc Jacobs handbag I sent you last Christmas? Please tell Iying to catch me online so I can walk her through jailbreaking her iPod Touch. Hi to Dad, Itoy and Ikling. Love you all!
Natameme si Willie sa pagkasosyal ni Inday at ng kanyang pamilya.
Willie: Woww… How sweet naman. Can I ask you what year uhh… I mean anong year ang natapos mo sa schooling mo? Because you’re good in English, maybe you reached 4th year high school?
Inday: So what are you implying? That maids are dumb and cannot speak perfect English nor have good education? If I told you my academic achievements you might run outside and fling yourself into a speeding truck. Let’s just say that I was blessed with proper education with the help of a few scholarship grants and was able to finish college and a couple of master’s degree.
Dumugo na ang ilong ni Willie at nagpakuha muna ng tissue at tubig bago nagpatuloy.
Willie: Ahmm ok… uhh.. tama na siguro yung mga tanong. Pero bago ang lahat nais ko lang batiin ang isang special guest na dumalo ngayon dito sa studio… the lovely Kris Aquino.
Na-focus ang camera kay Kris na nakatayo sa gilid.
Kris: Hi Willie, o anoh? Diba winarn na kita tungkol dyan kay Inday kanina bago ka lumabas. Anoh, naniwala ka na?
Willie: Di ko naman kasi alam parang jinojoke mo lang ako kanina eh.
Kris: Well… gusto ko lang makita talent ni Inday kaya ako bumisita. Baka talent nya ay wawalisin itong set in under 1 minute. Ahihihi.
Willie: ‘Kaw talaga Kris iba ka kung manlait.
Talent portion na ni Inday.
Willie: Ok Inday, anong talent ang gagawin mo ngayon?
Inday: I suppose I could sing one of my favorites, Time to Say Goodbye.
Willie: Sige, Ladies and Gentleman… Ms. Inday.
Pumwesto na si Inday sa harap ng entablado. Pinatahimik niya ang audience… nakatingin lang sa kanya si Kris. Sinenyasan nya ang DJ na patugtugin ang kanyang CD dahil di kakayanin ng banda patugtugin ang kakantahin nya.
Nagsimula na si Inday kumanta…
Inday: Quando sono sola Sogno all’orrizonte E mancan le parole… Si lo so che non c’e’ luce In una stanza quando manca il sole Si non ci sei tu con me, con me…
Umabot na sa chorus at bumanat pa lalo si Inday…
Inday: Time to… say goodbye… Paesi che no ho mai Veduto e vissuto con te… Adesso si li vivro’ con te partiro’…
Nagtayuan ang karamihan sa audience, mga matatanda, foreigners, OFWs, balikbayan. Pinalakpakan si Inday… napaluha din ang iba. Pati si Kris at Willie namangha at nanood na lang sa rendition ni Inday ng kanta ni Andrea Bocelli.
Pinatapos ni Willie ang buong kanta, di akalaing kaya ng isang katulong ang kumanta ng opera.
Pagkatapos ni Inday, binigyan siya ng standing ovation ng audience, pati mga promo girls tumigil sa pagkekembot para palakpakan siya. Umalis na si Kris sa studio ng luhaan, apektado sa kanta ni Inday.
Willie: Wow!! That’s unbelievable! Ang galing ha, ang lakas pala ng boses mo. Dahil sa ginawa mong yan, ito ang 50,000 pesos para sayo at lahat ng nakadisplay dito sa likod ko, pwede mo nang iuwi. Meron dyang Magic Sing, My Marvel Taheebo at kung anu-ano pa.
Sumingit si Ederlyn.
Ederlyn: Papi ba’t saken 5,000 pesos lang? Unfair naman yun.
Willie: Gusto mo bawiin ko? Mali mali nga lyrics mo dyan. Galingan mo na lang sa laban niyo ni Inday.
Ederlyn: (natahimik na lang) Sige po papi.
Willie: Ok alam niyo na ang gagawin? Kelangan niyong mahulaan ang title ng kantang papatugtugin at kakantahin niyo pagkatapos ok? Pag di niyo naikanta ng maayos, 1 point lang. Pag-maka 2 points kayo, pasok na kayo sa next round.
Willie: Ok ready? Paunahan ito… pwesto!
Tumugtog na ang Perfect ng True Faith, umabot na sa chorus bago nahulaan ni Ederlyn ang kanta.
Edelryn: Ferfect papi!! Ferfect!!!!
Natawa na lang si Willie.
Willie: O sige pwede na rin… Perfect… Sing it!!
Ederlyn: Baby as I look into your eyes… New York ferfect… Judging from the way you meet my eye… New York Ferfect…. Ferfect….
Sumasakit ang tyan ni Willie sa kakatawa kaya’t pinatigil nya na si Ederlyn.
Willie: Hoi, san niyo ba nakuha ito? (tawa ng tawa habang kausap ang direktor)
Willie: Sorry Ederlyn pero mali na naman ang lyrics mo. Di bale bawi ka na lang sa susunod… Inday, pwede ka pang humabol. Sige pwesto!!
Tumugtog na ang Smack That ni Akon… naunahan na naman ni Ederlyn si Inday na may kausap sa kanyang cellphone.
Ederlyn: Papi Ismak Dat!! (Kinanta pa ng gaga… Ismak Dat Olonggapo… Ismak Dat Fernando Poe)
Natawa na naman si Willie.
Willie: Pambihira ka talaga. Di mo na kelangan kantahin pero tama ang sagot mo kaya’t pasok ka na!!
Tuwang tuwa si Ederlyn at di humihinto sa kakapalakpak at kakatalon.
Willie: I’m sorry Inday pero…
Natameme si Willie paglingon nya kay Inday at may kausap sa phone. Sinenyasan siya ni Inday na saglit lang.
Natapos na rin si Inday sa phone.
Inday: I’m sorry Mr. Revillame but I just got a call from the other station and they’re sending someone over to pick me up. They want to talk about guesting me and letting me sing me on their show this Sunday. I’ll just take the cash and leave the other stuff here for the other contestants. Thanks and Ciao!
Laglag-panga si Willie at pinanood na lang ang pag-alis ni Inday.
Mar 17th, 2008 by Inday
Patulog na sana si Inday pagkatapos niyang manood ng Oprah. Pero dahil medyo hindi pa siya inaantok, nagpasya siyang ilipat ang channel at nagkataong Bb. Pilipinas 2008 pala ang palabas sa GMA. At tiyempong Q and A pa ang naabutan niya kaya medyo nagising ang ulirat niya nang nagtanong na ang isang judge tungkol sa kahalagahan ng pamilya sa pagsali ng isang kandidata sa naturang beauty pageant.
Bago pa man sumagot ang kandidata, sinabi ni Inday sa sarili, “Lucky for her, that is a very plain and straightforward question!”.
Ngunit napanganga si Inday nang marinig nya ang kasagutan ng binibini,
“Well, my family’s role for me is so important because there was the, they’re they was the one whose very, ha-ha; oh I’m so sorry. Ah my family, my family, oh my God, I’m, okay. I’m so sorry; I, I told you that I’m so confident; ah wait, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, uhm, sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever. Because I’m only 17 years old and I did not expect that I came from, I came from the one of the to(f)p 10; uhm, so, but I said that my family is the most important persons in my life. Thank you.”
Pagkarinig ng mga pahayag ng Binibini, nasabi nya na lang sa sarili…
“What a loss! She has the potential of a would-be beauty queen. However, by the way she responded to the query, her height definitely did not compensate with her ability to communicate fluently in English. She should have instead, consistently converged in Filipino throughout her answer. Worst, she still managed to qualify that her age had something to do with her difficulty.”
Sabay lipat ng channel..
Ngunit dahil na rin sa hindi pa siya dinalaw ng antok, at dala na rin ng kuryosidad kung sinu-sino ang mga tatanghaling kandidata na magrerepresenta sa Pilipinas sa mga internasyonal na paligsahan ng ganda, talino at talento, nagawa pa niyang panuorin ang koronasyon.
Laking gulat niya sa announcement ng mga nanalo ay nasama sa tatlong pinakamasayang Filipina sa gabing iyon ang kandidatang pinagsabihan niyang “What a loss!”.
Ngunit may parang bagong realisasyon sa sarili si Inday,
“Well, maybe (took a deep audible breath and a bit affected) they saw in her inner beauty, which is not gauged by mere sugarcoating of words or grammatically-correct construction of sentences, but more of being real and true to oneself and admitting that she has flaws and is ergo, imperfect. That may have made her win the crown, if all things were equal that is. However, to further develop her communication skills especially that she will represent our country in the future international pageant, she must at least continuously correspond to people like me, who’s adept in English fluency and are connoisseurs of beauty pageants e.g. past beauty queens themselves.”
Meet Arajaya
Feb 20th, 2008 by Inday
Arajaya was sipping her cup of brewed coffee served with hot pandesal by Coffeebean – so Filipino – so indigent – when a group of infamous people started to occupy the nearby infamous café a.k.a Starbucks. They were so noisy that Arajaya’s blood boiled – temperature almost reaching 412 kelvin.
But since Arajaya is a woman of sophistication, she decided to just ignore the crowd and let them live the way they wanted.
Suddenly, she felt a strong chill. She felt a very odd sensation from her nape to her head – the FEELING of being watched. But then again, Arajaya never gave a damn.
When she was about to eat her hot pandesal, she started to hear a familiar voice from her back.
“What a very small world” said the woman in a maid’s uniform.
Arajaya turned around and was surprised by what she saw.
“Well if my hippocampus serves me right, you are Arajaya, my former friend who turned her back from me. Aren’t you?”
“Wow! What a very well rehearsed introduction. Inday – my former friend who framed me up to escape a crime she’d done. Who would forget that sweet demonic voice – your pitch and intonation as well as your liaising?
“Basing from the gesture of your not so well-developed bone structure predominantly – your skull – that gave you a very elongated face and the kind of food that you have right now, you are about to nosh your stomach with an impecunious meal they called ‘Kape’t pandesal’, uh – was that right?” said Inday as if ridiculing her.
“Yes. Would you like a bite?” replied Arajaya.
“Thanks but no thanks. But would you mind if you join me at Starbucks instead of taking your breakfast in this approximately forsaken café with a very ghastly ambience?” said Inday. “I also want you to try my favorite Venti Java Chip Frappuccino along with cold sandwich and some Choux pastries. Don’t worry, my treat!”
Inday offered Arajaya to join her at Starbucks instead of Coffeebean…
Arajaya stared at Inday, sneered at her then opened her MacBook Pro.
“Thank you for the offer but I prefer Coffeebean to Starbucks. I just think that Starbucks is a den of social climbers and bourgeoisies like you.”
“Oh, dear! Don’t you think you’re getting rude, I just want you to experience life. Okay, I’ll – ” Inday was interrupted when she saw Arajaya busy working with her MacBook.
“And what are you trying to do Arajaya?” asked Inday impolitely.
“Hmm… nothing so important. You wouldn’t understand it even if I tell you.”
“Are you trying to undervalue my comprehension by implying that I will not understand the philosophy that you are doing with your MacBook? C’mon, don’t be so supercilious friend!”
“Okay, I am configuring its IEEE 802.15 to perpetuate the distribution of electromagnetic waves from the medium access control and the physical layer to the transport layer. Later, I will also track the process from the session layers in with the packets are sent and processed for the presentation layer to convert the signals into binary form. Example, if I tried to send “Inday go to hell” message, it will me converted to its hexadecimal value which is 496E49617900676F0068656C6C which will later be converted to its binary value of 010010010111 1110010010010 110000101111001 00000000011001110 110111100000 000011010000110011 10110110001100110. Then, the application layer will check the binary value for error detection using parity bit (even). If there are errors, it will fix the message then sends it to the ALU for processing which will be passed to the CU for data transfer. Satisfied?”
Inday remained silent for awhile then ran back to Starbucks when she heard “1 Venti Java Chip Frappuccino for Inday!” to get her order.
“Starbucks bullshit!” said Arajaya to herself.
After eating, she decided to go back to her work and accidentally passed by in front of Starbucks when she heard Inday…
“I was so careless. I thought that the wit I have in me which I found flamboyant in using any language I know of would simply astound them. I was just mortified that it took me a little pinch of effort not to step beyond the waterline, to just impart to the people I formerly know of that I have grown into a better personage – not just a chambermaid whom others look down to. I was so disgraced by the thing I heard awhile ago and my heart beat faster than normal that I suffered from the incapability of speaking. Good thing that barista called my name. I just wish that someday, I would be able to face my worst nightmare that is yet to come – yet to come that will consume me and bury me to death. I just wish that day isn’t coming yet.”
- Inday nag-emote matapos matabla ni Arajaya sa Coffeebean.
Wowowee Part 1
Feb 10th, 2008 by Inday
Naging contestants sina Inday at Ederlyn sa Wowowee.
Willie: Kapamilya, ang ating mga kalahok ngayon ay mga maid or mga yaya… mga kasambahay minsan kung tawagin. Sila ang dahilan kung baket nananatiling malinis ang bahay natin, may pagkain sa hapagkainan kung pagod tayo para magluto. Sila ang naghuhugas ng pinggan, naglalaba at nag-aalaga sa mga anak natin. Aminin na naten, mahihirapan din tayo pag wala sila.
Willie: Sige tawagin na naten ang mga unang maglalaro.
Umentra sina Inday at Ederlyn at pumwesto sa magkabilang panig ni Willie.
Kinausap muna ni Willie si Ederlyn. Excited sobra si Ederlyn, sigaw ng sigaw ng “Papiii”!!
Willie: Hello kamusta ka? Anong name mo?
Ederlyn: Ederlyn po papi!! I’m fine thanks!!! (excited talaga)
Willie: Ederlyn, taga-saang probinsya ka?
Ederlyn: I’m from here lang in Metro Manila papi!!! You’re hansam pala in personal!
Willie: Wow, thank you ha. Ilang taon ka na Ederlyn?
Ederlyn: 20 po papi!!
Willie: Ahh, kamusta mga magulang mo, nasan sila?
Ederlyn: Di ko po alam papi!! In their house lang yun siguro. I am staying with my amo.
Willie: Ahhh so sino yung nagbabantay ng bahay ngayon? Alam ba ng amo mo na nandito ka sa Wowowee?
Ederlyn: Yung amo ko po nag-stay sa house. Pinayagan nya naman ako at she also gave me bus fare to go here so I could join.
Willie: Wow, ang bait naman. Meron ka bang message para sa amo mo?
Ederlyn: Ma’am thank you po for giving me pamasahe to go here, don’t worry I will pay you. The trash at the back I will throw later, I am not finish sweeping the floor in your room. The fruit salad in the ref is already panis, don’t eat it. Pa-throw na lang po in the trash can.
Willie: Aba! Astig ka rin ah, inutusan mo pa amo mo. Sa magulang mo baka may message ka.
Ederlyn: Ahmm… Nay, Tay! How are you guys? I’m doing fine here at Wowowee. I know you are watching me. Thank you for your patronage. That’s all papi!
Willie: Nyak! O sige anong talent mo?
Ederlyn: I will sing po papi! Nothing’s gonna change my love for you!
Willie: O sige, Ladies and Gentlemen… Miss Ederlyn.
Kinuha ni Ederlyn ang mikropono at pumunta na sa gitna at nagsimulang kumanta.
Ederlyn: If I had to live my life without you near me…. The days would all be empty…
Umabot na sa chorus…
Ederlyn: Nothing’s gonna change my love for you, you know naman my love how much I love you. One thing you can be sure of, I’ll never ask for more than your love…
At natapos na rin si Ederlyn. Naghiyawan at nagtawanan ang mga tao. Pati si Willie di makatigil sa kakatawa.
Willie: Ayos ka rin Ederlyn! Lalabas siguro ito sa youtube. Anyway, eto ang five thousand pesos mo pati ang gift bag from Liveraide!!
Ederlyn: (tuwang tuwa) Thank you po Kuya Willie!!
Willie: O sige dito naman tayo sa next contestant naten.
Humarap si Willie kay Inday na mukhang nabobored.
Willie: Hi miss, anong name mo?
Inday: Hi Mr. Revillame, my name is Inday.
Willie: Aba isa pang inglesera. Ok mga katulong naten ngayon ah, nakakaaliw sila.
Willie: So Inday, how are you today?
Inday: I just answered that question earlier. If you have nothing else left to ask, can we just continue?
Willie: Ahhmm, it’s ok. I still have some questions for you. Ahh, what province are you from?
Inday: I’m from the City of Majestic Waterfalls, Iligan.
Willie: Ahhh, that’s very nice. Is your parents there? Why don’t you greet them?
Inday: Yes, they’re there but my mom does not watch Wowowee. She usually watch The Tyra Banks Show at this time of the day. My dad seldom watches TV.
Willie: Oh I see, why doesn’t she watch Wowowee, am I not handsome or funny for her?
Inday: Let’s just say that it might have something to do with substance, plus Tyra is more pleasing to the eye than you.
Napahiya si Willie.
Willie: Ohh ok. Well greet her anyways, maybe she change the channel during commercial.
Pumayag na rin si Inday na batiin ang kanyang nanay.
Inday: Hi Mom, if you’re really watching this…
Sumingit saglit si Willie.
Willie: Inday, why don’t you greet her in your dialect?
Inday: (Tinignan ng masama si Willie) Why don’t you keep quiet for a sec and let me greet her in my own way?
Napahiya ulit si Willie…
Willie: Ok sorry, please continue.
Inday: Hi mom, please check your Paypal account to see if the money I sent you has arrived. Did you like the Marc Jacobs handbag I sent you last Christmas? Please tell Iying to catch me online so I can walk her through jailbreaking her iPod Touch. Hi to Dad, Itoy and Ikling. Love you all!
Natameme si Willie sa pagkasosyal ni Inday at ng kanyang pamilya.
Willie: Woww… How sweet naman. Can I ask you what year uhh… I mean anong year ang natapos mo sa schooling mo? Because you’re good in English, maybe you reached 4th year high school?
Inday: So what are you implying? That maids are dumb and cannot speak perfect English nor have good education? If I told you my academic achievements you might run outside and fling yourself into a speeding truck. Let’s just say that I was blessed with proper education with the help of a few scholarship grants and was able to finish college and a couple of master’s degree.
Dumugo na ang ilong ni Willie at nagpakuha muna ng tissue at tubig bago nagpatuloy.
Willie: Ahmm ok… uhh.. tama na siguro yung mga tanong. Pero bago ang lahat nais ko lang batiin ang isang special guest na dumalo ngayon dito sa studio… the lovely Kris Aquino.
Na-focus ang camera kay Kris na nakatayo sa gilid.
Kris: Hi Willie, o anoh? Diba winarn na kita tungkol dyan kay Inday kanina bago ka lumabas. Anoh, naniwala ka na?
Willie: Di ko naman kasi alam parang jinojoke mo lang ako kanina eh.
Kris: Well… gusto ko lang makita talent ni Inday kaya ako bumisita. Baka talent nya ay wawalisin itong set in under 1 minute. Ahihihi.
Willie: ‘Kaw talaga Kris iba ka kung manlait.
Talent portion na ni Inday.
Willie: Ok Inday, anong talent ang gagawin mo ngayon?
Inday: I suppose I could sing one of my favorites, Time to Say Goodbye.
Willie: Sige, Ladies and Gentleman… Ms. Inday.
Pumwesto na si Inday sa harap ng entablado. Pinatahimik niya ang audience… nakatingin lang sa kanya si Kris. Sinenyasan nya ang DJ na patugtugin ang kanyang CD dahil di kakayanin ng banda patugtugin ang kakantahin nya.
Nagsimula na si Inday kumanta…
Inday: Quando sono sola Sogno all’orrizonte E mancan le parole… Si lo so che non c’e’ luce In una stanza quando manca il sole Si non ci sei tu con me, con me…
Umabot na sa chorus at bumanat pa lalo si Inday…
Inday: Time to… say goodbye… Paesi che no ho mai Veduto e vissuto con te… Adesso si li vivro’ con te partiro’…
Nagtayuan ang karamihan sa audience, mga matatanda, foreigners, OFWs, balikbayan. Pinalakpakan si Inday… napaluha din ang iba. Pati si Kris at Willie namangha at nanood na lang sa rendition ni Inday ng kanta ni Andrea Bocelli.
Pinatapos ni Willie ang buong kanta, di akalaing kaya ng isang katulong ang kumanta ng opera.
Pagkatapos ni Inday, binigyan siya ng standing ovation ng audience, pati mga promo girls tumigil sa pagkekembot para palakpakan siya. Umalis na si Kris sa studio ng luhaan, apektado sa kanta ni Inday.
Willie: Wow!! That’s unbelievable! Ang galing ha, ang lakas pala ng boses mo. Dahil sa ginawa mong yan, ito ang 50,000 pesos para sayo at lahat ng nakadisplay dito sa likod ko, pwede mo nang iuwi. Meron dyang Magic Sing, My Marvel Taheebo at kung anu-ano pa.
Sumingit si Ederlyn.
Ederlyn: Papi ba’t saken 5,000 pesos lang? Unfair naman yun.
Willie: Gusto mo bawiin ko? Mali mali nga lyrics mo dyan. Galingan mo na lang sa laban niyo ni Inday.
Ederlyn: (natahimik na lang) Sige po papi.
Willie: Ok alam niyo na ang gagawin? Kelangan niyong mahulaan ang title ng kantang papatugtugin at kakantahin niyo pagkatapos ok? Pag di niyo naikanta ng maayos, 1 point lang. Pag-maka 2 points kayo, pasok na kayo sa next round.
Willie: Ok ready? Paunahan ito… pwesto!
Tumugtog na ang Perfect ng True Faith, umabot na sa chorus bago nahulaan ni Ederlyn ang kanta.
Edelryn: Ferfect papi!! Ferfect!!!!
Natawa na lang si Willie.
Willie: O sige pwede na rin… Perfect… Sing it!!
Ederlyn: Baby as I look into your eyes… New York ferfect… Judging from the way you meet my eye… New York Ferfect…. Ferfect….
Sumasakit ang tyan ni Willie sa kakatawa kaya’t pinatigil nya na si Ederlyn.
Willie: Hoi, san niyo ba nakuha ito? (tawa ng tawa habang kausap ang direktor)
Willie: Sorry Ederlyn pero mali na naman ang lyrics mo. Di bale bawi ka na lang sa susunod… Inday, pwede ka pang humabol. Sige pwesto!!
Tumugtog na ang Smack That ni Akon… naunahan na naman ni Ederlyn si Inday na may kausap sa kanyang cellphone.
Ederlyn: Papi Ismak Dat!! (Kinanta pa ng gaga… Ismak Dat Olonggapo… Ismak Dat Fernando Poe)
Natawa na naman si Willie.
Willie: Pambihira ka talaga. Di mo na kelangan kantahin pero tama ang sagot mo kaya’t pasok ka na!!
Tuwang tuwa si Ederlyn at di humihinto sa kakapalakpak at kakatalon.
Willie: I’m sorry Inday pero…
Natameme si Willie paglingon nya kay Inday at may kausap sa phone. Sinenyasan siya ni Inday na saglit lang.
Natapos na rin si Inday sa phone.
Inday: I’m sorry Mr. Revillame but I just got a call from the other station and they’re sending someone over to pick me up. They want to talk about guesting me and letting me sing me on their show this Sunday. I’ll just take the cash and leave the other stuff here for the other contestants. Thanks and Ciao!
Laglag-panga si Willie at pinanood na lang ang pag-alis ni Inday.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
DOTA IS DEAD...
This is for the Hyder Gamer's Club... Tuesday is Dota Day!!
We were nothing more than strangers when we met
Knowing nothing more than faces and names.
But one game brought us in group or set ,
on a battlefield that brought same or fame.
Nights of sleepless hours we endure
just to fight the honor we long keep
And soon some end as losers and some a failure
And some jump for joy while others weep.
But lose or win we end up laughing
telling stories of triumph and most mistakes
But in the end everybody end up clapping
It's a fight we 'll remember til our wake.
But now that game has meet its doom,
What bind us no longer sounds nor exist
Silence befall on a once noisy room,
As somebody just brought DOTA its DEATH.
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