Staring at the ceiling, cold dark
night, I lay on my back. Feeling my heart squeezing tighter each passing
minute. I can’t recall how long I’ve been lying motionless. The deafening
silence doesn’t help, as I grasp for any kind comfort that I can find. No tears
are falling and yet I feel like my eyes are heavy with the burden of sadness. I
wish they would just fall, the tears.
My world have once again been
shattered into pieces. Relentless pain pierce through my aching heart as my
world crumbles like mountain turning to stones. The beauty of creation is now
turning into a domino of destruction. How did I end up in this tragedy? How
could I be so careless and let these things happen?
I raise my hand and stare at my
palm. A sculptor uses he’s hand to create his masterpiece. Is this hand
responsible for getting me into this mess? Perhaps I’m just looking for someone,
or something to blame. The truth is, I only have myself to blame.
We are but fools, trying to
justify our foolishness. From the start, I knew nothing good can come from this
affection I have found. I have my limits and I have my restrictions, but I also
have my weakness. Despite all signs pointing east, I still, like chasing a fool’s
gold, faced west and took a step towards my own self destruction.
And now I’m at the last step I
took west. Roads stopped, trails end in a deep ravine. And worst, roads going
back have vanished into the darkness. Standing with nowhere to go, I watch as
the world around me crumbles. Perhaps this is what is meant to be foolish.
Perhaps I can only stay here and watch as people around me go their way, into
the path they happily walk. And I am here, alone, breaking into pieces.
Vanishing into oblivion.
The funny thing is, this is not
the first time I’ve been on this road. Stranded in an island of darkness. How
did I escape that time? How did I manage to come out as a whole, or have I ever
been whole? I could not remember, I could not know how to live from here…
Yeah I remember, I have always been
stuck in this piece of land I’m standing on. Perhaps it is not me that walked
here, but it is the world that moves while I just stand here. People pass me by
as I just stand here. I can no longer recall how long I’ve been here, or how
many people have passed me by. I can only recall the pain that people have left
behind. And every moment, it hurts like hell, as it hurts now.
If I survived this before,
perhaps I can now. But how can I move away from this darkness? How can I move
along with the world? I close my eyes, lower my hands into my face. And tears
started to fall.
