I brought luck, but spilled curse instead...

"No matter how good your intentions are, the outcome might be worst depending on who made the interpretation."

Being an achiever in my own field of examination, I had often see myself as a bringer of luck to my friends who are to take a licensure examination in their respective profession. I often feel excited when it's their time to take the life turning exam and feel pressured when the wait for the results take its toll.

But just recently, that excitement turns to doubts and questions. A friend had just been struck by the worst news, failure from the examination. Though his failure might have been due to many factors, can't help asking how much my presence have been a factor. Might be a little paranoid but, this what happens when you experience it more than once, and not even twice but more.

My work usually gives me a lot of time to wander especially during weekends, so I usually visit friends when I get bored at home. Being far from home, my friends here are usually those that are here to review. Thus, I usually end up in their place and have a little time to chat. Yes some spent on asking their question but most of the time, catch up with the events. As a result, I end up taking of their review time.

And when the time for their exam is coming, I find it a habit to visit them a night before the exam, supposedly, to bring luck. Spend 30 minutes or more to talk to them about the exam. I don't know if it would help, or make things worse, but the intension is always good. I remember someone saying, "No matter how good your intentions are, the outcome might be worst depending on who made the interpretation."

And so I went home, feeling excited for their exam, wait for their result, and for the 4th time, been gifted by bad news.

This makes me wonder, is my desire to bring good luck brings curse instead?

And now that my brother is about to take the exam the in next few months, shall I change my habit and let them be?

Perhaps no one can tell, and perhaps I'll never know, but as long as I have the good intention, I'll continue to wish them luck, may it be in different way I used to do.

MisadVentures of Inday (Time to Laugh)

sorry for the repost, but having it so long seems to bore the reader instead of making them laugh. So Im giving it by parts. So enjoy. Relax. Carpe Deim.

Mag-o-outing ang barkada

Apr 24th, 2008 by Inday

Habang nagwawalis sa harap ng bakuran si Inday, ay napadaan si Ethan sa kanyang tricycle.

Ethan: Hi Inday. Tuloy ba yung outing naten sa Pagudpud?

Inday: Hey Ethan. I’m not sure, who’s planning anyway? Do the others already know?

Habang nag-gugupit ng mga damo si Dodong at narinig nya ang kanilang usapan.

Dodong: Mga pre, game ako dyan. Ilang araw ba tayo doon?

Inday: Well, the most suitable would be at least 2 nights but it depends on how long you guys are allowed for a furlough.

Ethan: Teka sasama ba si Manang? Hehehe, baka matangay ng alon yun.

Narinig ni Manang galing sa loob ng bakuran habang sya’y naglalaba. Huminto ito at lumapit sa kanila.

Manang: Hoi!! If you must know, I was a varsity swimmer when I was in high school so don’t underestimate my aquatic capabilities (banat nya kay Ethan). And of course, you can count me in.

Dodong: Teka si Ederlyn, text ko lang. (Ei sma b u outng pgdpud? Ksma laht)

Ethan: Wag!!! Wag na naten isama si Ederlyn, natandaan mo last time? Nag-inarte. Tapos di pa tumutulong sa paghahanda ng pagkain o kahit paglinis lang ng kinainan.

Inday: Yeah, let’s not bring any dead weight this time.

Manang: I agree!

Dodong: Ngek na text ko na!

Tumunog ang cellphone ni Dodong, galing kay Ederlyn ang message… “K! Sli aku!! May bago rn akung bikni“.

Nag-text kaagad si Dodong… “Sry wrng send“.

Dodong: Whew!

Inday: Well, let’s just discuss this over our Yahoo Groups. I have to go prepare our supper.

Ethan: Okay! Sa Yahoo Groups na lang.

Sa di kalayuan ay naririnig pala ng pulubi ang kanilang diskusyon at lumapit ito sa kanila.

Pulubi: Can I join your outing too guys? Pa-add na lang e-mail ko on your Yahoo Groups. It’s babangonako@duduruginkita.com

Painful experiences
Mar 1st, 2008 by Inday



Isang hapon ay nagkwekwentuhan ang magbarkada sa may isawan sa kanto habang nag-memerienda.

Ederlyn: Eto, I have a question para sa inyo ga. Ano ang pinakamasakit na experience ang naranasan na ninyu?

Napaisip ang iba.

Dodong: Siguro sa akin ay yung pagpili sa isang babae pero parehong mahal mo ang dalawa. Para talagang nahahati ang puso ko. (sabay kagat sa isaw)

Ederlyn: Ay yung sa akin yung binuhos mo ang pagmamahal mo sa isang lalaki pero kulang pa rin at iniwan ka. (sabay lagok sa softdrink)

Ethan: Wala pa ko masyadong experience pagdating sa sa pagmamahal eh. Siguro masakit na sa’ken yung binati mo ng good morning pero di ka pinansin. Hehehe. (sabay kagat sa bananacue)

Inday: I guess mine would be not showing my affection to someone and by the time that I realize that he’s the one I love, he’s slowly pulling away. (sabay subo sa baon nyang blanched green and white asparagus with lemon thyme and Parmesan vinaigrette)

Pulubi: Sa akin naman yung bihis na bihis ka na pero di ka pala kasama sa lakad. Sakit nun. Hirap kaya ako maghanap ng maisusuot tapos di rin pala ako kasama. Tsk. (hihingi pa sa kinakain ni Inday)

Napatingin na lang sila Inday sa pulubing nakiki-merienda.


Pesteng caller
Sep 6th, 2008 by manager

Isang hapon, habang nagpapahinga si Mrs. Montemayor sa sala at nanonood ng TV na tila parang bored ay biglang nag-ring ang phone. Dali-dalian nya itong sinagot…

Mrs. Montemayor: Hello?

Caller: Hello, may I please speak to Ms. Inocencia Binayubay?

Mrs. Montemayor: Sino kamo?

Caller: Ahh Inocencia Binayubay, is she there?

Mrs. Montemayor: Inoce… walang ganun dito… ay teka.. (naisip nyang bigla si Inday).

Mrs. Montemayor: Ahh si Inday… teka lang! (halatang may pagkainis dahil may tumatawag sa kanilang katulong).

Sumigaw sya sa kusina para tawagin si Inday.

Mrs. Montemayor: INDAY!!!!!!!! Telepon! Wag matagal ha!

Tumigil saglit si Inday sa pag-gagawa ng blueberry muffins para sagutin ang phone.

Inday: Hello?

Caller: Inocencia Binayubay?

Inday: Speaking… ahh hold on.

Sumigaw si Inday sa sala…

Inday: You can hang up now madam! I’m on the cordless!

Binaba ni Mrs. Montemayor ang telepono at napaisip sa sarili, “Aba pinagsabihan pa ako. The nerve!” Hinayaan nya na lang at nagpatuloy sa panonood ng TV.

Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay narinig nya si Inday na tinataasan na ng boses ang kausap. Pagkatapos ay lumabas sa kusina si Inday at pumunta sa sala para magpahangin sa tapat electric fan. Tila mainit ang ulo.

Na-curious si Misis.

Mrs. Montemayor: Oh sino ba yun? Inglisera mong nanay na nanghihingi na naman ng pera?

Inday: Not at all. It’s those pesky credit card telemarketers offering me a new credit line that I certainly don’t require anymore. I don’t care about their 0% credit transfers, double reward points, loans and all those things. Why can’t they take no for an answer?

Di makasagot si Mrs. Montemayor at natulala.

Napaisip na lang sya sa sarili, “Buti pa si Inday, inoofferan ng credit card… samantalang ako, ATM card lang ang meron ako… ba’t ganun ang buhay?”.

Inday: Madam, are you okay?

Siomai
Jul 19th, 2008 by manager

Habang nagmemerienda ang magbabarkada sa may sari-sari store, nabanggit ni Ethan na hindi na lang sya bibili ng pedicab.

Ethan: Guys, di na lang ako magpepedicab. Inday, mahal pala yung mga piyesa na ni-recommend mo… yung iba di raw available dito sa pinas.

Inday: Awww, sorry to hear that Ethan. So what do you intend to do with your assets now?

Ethan: Di ko pa alam eh… food business kaya?

Dodong: Pwede yan pards. Food stall lang. Yung di malaki at di gumagamit ng gas. (sabay kagat sa bananacue)

Ethan: Hmm pwede. Anong klase kaya? Donut? Fruit shake?

Manang: Dimsum na lang iho. Pwedeng ulamin ng mga tao, di kailangan ng gas at dalawang tao lang ang kailangang magbantay. Maliit ng pwesto pa ang kailangan. (sabay subo ng pandesal na isinawsaw sa kape)

Ederlyn: Oo nga Ethan. May naisip na akong pangalan para sa siopawan at syomayan mo. Code Name: Asado! Hahahaha. O diba? Napapanahon. (habang patuloy ngumunguya ng Chippy)

Dodong: Corny. (sabay bato ng stick ng bananacue kay Ederlyn)

Inday: Pathetic.

Ethan: Pero ok nga talaga yung dimsum lang para di mahirap. Wag na siguro yung mga siopao pa. siomai at gulaman lang.

Inday: I agree You just have to get a good location and I would suggest a spot where it could easily cater to call-center employees. Why? Their break time is really limited so they need to consume their food quick and this is where your dimsum comes in. And if you operate 24 hours daily, you’ll rack up those sales in no time. All you need now is a catchy name.

Ethan: Hmm… ano kaya magandang pangalan?

Biglang sumingit ang pulubing nakikinig at naghahakot ng mga boteng itinapon

Pulubi: Ipangalan mong Master Siomai - Walang Tulugan! O diba? Open 24 hours a day kamo eh.

Ethan, Dodong, Ederlyn, Manang: PWEDE!!!

Inday: I don’t get it.

The Lost Symbol

Have you watched the Da Vinci Code or The Angels and Demons? Much better if you have read it... Then you know Dan Brown's upcoming novel would surely be a hit!

Watch for it, on Sept. 15, 2009, its first copy will be sold. :)

Is Love just a State of Mind? Make your mind speak or make your heart do the talking...

A friend of mine wrote this article but was forced to keep it to himself after her girlfriend freaked out on the article and almost broke up with him after reading it. As a result, a great idea was burried in ruins and never saw the day of light...until now. After careful exploration (nice term for snooping around), I saw it and took the liberty to solicit your idea about it. Let your voice be heard. :)

Love is just a state of mind. Simply putting it, the mind makes you feel. It was never the other way around. The feeling is there because your mind tells you to feel that way. Now, I know many of you will contest…that feelings are not governed by our mind and that everything we feel is based on what our "hearts feel" and not what we think. Before anyone contest...let me explain why I believe that love is just a state of mind.

How would you know if you love someone? Some would say "I know it because I feel it" or "I love her and there's no explanation why". One would say "I know it because there's magic" or "I don't know. Love is so mysterious".
Does this answer why you love somebody or would it just lead to more questions like "If I feel it, then, is the feeling real?" or "If the magic is gone, did I fall out of love?" So on and so forth...

Now let me answer the question! You know you love someone when your definition of love is realized. Everyone has his own definition of love somewhere in his head. We may not realize it, but we are all somehow influenced with those definitions. We pick up these definitions almost everyday. We see it in movies, hear it from stories, and read it from books. It is everywhere. It is our choice. We choose to love and feel the way we want to.

Our choice of what to believe is the real difference with each and every one of us. Why does love evolve every time our age mature? The explanation is simple. Our definition of love becomes more complex as we absorb more definitions from time to time. How many of you hoped that you’ll be Cinderella or Prince Charming someday? I know everyone did. Who can’t hope for that? Everyone has read it. Everyone has seen it. Our society made us to think that way. Our society made us to “feel” that way.

To prove my point, even at this very moment, after reading my thoughts, you are face with a dilemma. Do you believe it or not. Do you absorb or reject it. This is how we feel. Every feeling that we have is based on what we believe in. If you believe in what I say then you’ll be glad. If not, then you’ll be outraged. This is also true for love.

Now, I ask you again. How would you know if you love someone? The answer is simple. It depends. It depends on who you are right now. It depends on where you live, how old you are, who you are with and what you believe. Love is just a state of mind. I don’t believe that love is just a random thing…that it just happens for some reason we can’t explain why. I believe that love is a choice. I believe that love is hard to explain but never mysterious. I believe that there is no right and wrong when it comes to love. I believe that love is just a state of mind.

Love depends on your perspective. It depends on your capability to accept what your subconscious mind is telling you. Falling in love is not something one can not control. Falling in love is giving in to your subconscious mind. Magic moments are not really as magical as it seems. Actually, magic moments are imitations of what is already in our minds. Our minds are so adjusted to those definitions that we react to it as if it was secondary to us.

Why is it that when we were young, we are more interested in making friends rather than attracted in having a relationship? Innocence! Our mind is not accustomed to needing someone of the opposite sex at that time. We just need someone to play. Whether boy or girl, it’s just the same. But as we grew older, we are exposed to the common thinking of a “normal world”. You now dream of a lovely wife or a good husband just like what this “normal world” suggests. Our whole life is actually controlled by what our society dictates it should be. Yes, even love!

Love is just a state of mind.

Luck and Me (My Working Place)

""...it's not pure luck that I find my way here. A summation of hardwork , perseverance, and couple of determination ...and yes! that's my own recipe of luck..."




Life after school was supposed to be full of adventure and escapades. Trip to beach resorts, famous adventure parks, even visits to your friends province

to have some time to relax. After all, its about time you give yourself a treat for 5 years (Civil Engineering is a 5year course) of dedicating your time to your beloved alma mater. After school, you can have all the vacation of your life before you finally find your right career.

But for me? Had to skip those "never-had" memorable moments for a little thing called W-O-R-K. . . Well some says I'm lucky to have landed my first real job relatively easy, but still, having a a month or two time-off from the world would be better.

And so here I am, on one of the leading globally competitive design consultancy company in the country, Hyder Consulting, more than amazed by how I jump start my engineering career. And might I just say, it's not pure luck that I find my way here. A summation of hardwork (those sleepless nights i had to endure just to finish impossible deadlines, the outings and gimiks I had to miss just to make sure my brain is still working, and those endless tales of school hardships), perseverance, (if I had to redefine the word failure in the thesaurus, I would have placed my name on the section synonyms. Countless time I failed, but I never saw it as a discouragement but rather a benchmark to look at whenever I encounter same situation. I persist and continue to face failure after failure to find success at the end) and couple of determination (winning was never easy, but the main difference between winners and whinners are the ability to look straight to their goal despite anything that blocks their vision. It's that never say you can't attitude that help me place 2nd on that board exam.), and yes! that's my own recipe of luck.

So this is my workstation, also my home, my blogstation. Quite different from the table I grew up with, those scrap papers, dusty books, antique engineering guides, now I'm working on a state-of-the-art workstation. What can I say, if you wanna make your life a better place, make your own luck, and not just hoping somebody to drop luck on you. :)

"THE FILIPINOS ARE WORTH IT.."

by konzen13


"...I'm sorry, Mom. Mom, I lied to you. Nagsinungaling ako when I told you that we would be okay. I did this because we wanted you to be free from all your pains, at para hindi ka na mag-alala tungkol sa amin. Pero, Mom, it will take a lifetime for us to be okay because we will forever miss you. ..."

Yesterday, our nation witnessed another historic moment that was once shown on the death of a true nationalist during the chaotic time of Martial Law. Death of Ninoy brought the nation into one ground and found the meaning of being a true Filipino, thus give way to our Democracy.

After 23 years, many thought that event will only be part of history (note: EDSA II is completely different from EDSA I). But Filipinos prove them wrong. On the Death of yet another nationalist, Cory Aquino proved the country she was her husband's wife. In reminiscent to the 1986 EDSA Revolution, people reunited once again at the cause of joining the mother of our country to her last grave. The Funeral March that lasted to about 8 hours, despite the rain showers, once again showed that this country still has hope. It may be far from uniting the whole country, but its an indication that the Filipino People can still unite with the right cause. She indeed was a true President, and a perfect Mother, that even in her death, she did what she have always done in her lifetime, give us hope.

Good bye Tita Cory.

Below is a speech from her youngest daughter and the most popular among her children. Her speech not only touched her family but the whole nation as well, proof that she s indeed the daughter of Ninoy and Cory....



Minamahal kong mga kababayan.

Yun po ang opening line ng mommy namin every time na kakausapin niya ang bayan. In a very specific way that sums up exactly how our family feels, what words can I use to convey to all of you the depth of our gratitude for the respect, appreciation, and love you have showered upon our mother? How do we say thank you to all of you for the expressions of sympathy and support for our family during our times of gravement. Come to think of it, from March of 2008, you are one with us and constantly praying for our mother's healing.

Paano po ba kami makapagpapasalamat sa inyong lahat sa effort ninyong pumila sa gitna ng matinding init at malakas na pagbuhos ng ulan para po masulyapan ang mommy namin, magbigay respeto at maipagdasal siya sa huling pagkakataon?

Isa po sa huling binilin ng Mom sa akin ay ang magpasalamat po ako sa inyong lahat. You have given our family honor beyond anything we could ever have hoped to receive. That no matter how great the sacrifices of my parents, I can honestly say to all of you that for my family, the Filipinos are worth it.

(Sa puntong ito ay sandaling nag-pause si Kris sa kanyang pagsasalita dahil sa palakpakan na ibinigay ng mga tao sa loob ng Manila Cathedral. )


"...SILENCE AND PASSIVITY WERE NEVER OPTIONS."


Allow me please to speak in my Mom's voice so that I can share with you her wishes for our country that she instilled in us by virtue of her example. Mom believes that true public service did not end when one term of office ended. She continued selflessly working for the betterment of the lives of our countrymen. Immediately after my dad's assassination, she set up a foundation in my dad's honor to help further my dad's advocacy started when he first held elective office of helping deserving students fulfill their dreams of a college education.

I continue to meet a lot of people. Some a lot, some a little older than me. Some a decade younger. They proudly tell me that they are Ninoy's scholars. Mom believes because of her experience of having to raise us singlehandedly during my dad's incarceration and after his assassination, and the important of empowering women. In her later life, she did this through her support of micro-finance programs. By giving women viable means of livelihood. Masisiguro na maayos at maginhawa ang pamumuhay ng bawat pamilyang Pilipino.

Dahil po binuwis ng dad namin ang buhay niya para makamit natin ang kalayaan, ang mom namin, inalagaan at pinaglaban ang demokrasya natin. Tuwing may nakikita siyang pagmamalabis sa hawak na kapangyarihan, para po sa kanya, kailanman, hindi mo puwedeng biguin ang tiwalang ipinagkaloob sa 'yo ng taong bayan.

For her, silence and passivity were never options. Above everything else, she had a deep faith in God and unwavering belief in the power of prayer, a more personal devotion and relationship with Mama Mary. She was unwavering in her faith in the innate goodness of every Filipino.

While it's true that she was overwhelmed with gratitude for the prayers people were offering for her healing, she never failed to mention that we must all pray for those who are suffering for illness and other forms of pain. She would always reach out in compassion for those she felt were in distress and she reminded us constantly that we must pray for each other.

Allow me please, on a personal note from our family, Father Arevalo, noong mamatay ang dad, in Boston, you were there for us. For every Christmas eve after that. For every time we needed spiritual guidance, maraming-maraming salamat. Kay Bishop Soc Villegas, hindi ko alam kung anong guardian angel ang kumakalabit sa 'yo, pero sa loob ng kuwarto ng Mom, every time na kailangan namin nandoon ka to lay your healing hands. Bishop Soc, the last time that Mom shed a tear, it was because you laid your healing hands on her. For the rest of our lives, we will be indebted to you.

"A MOM YOU WISH ALL MOTHERS COULD BE."

When I was asking myself, why you have come to embrace our family as your own? Why do you regard our mom as your own? I came to the realization it is because you see in our family the journey of your own family. You had seen in my Mom all that you wished all mothers could be. Somebody who will love you, pero hindi kukunsintihin ang iyong mga pagkakamali. Isang taong palaging nandiyan na maasahan, pero walang hinihinging kapalit. At isang inang kahit kailan, hindi nawalan ng pag-asa na kayang maging mabuti ng kanyang anak.

Kagaya po ng inyong mga pamilya, kami man ay nagkaroon ng maraming pagsubok. Dumaan kami sa mga panahon ng hindi pagkakaintindihan. Pero natuto kaming humingi ng tawad at magdamayan sa panahon na kailangan namin ang isa't isa.

The last word mom's expressed to each of us, 'take care of each other.' I know that those words weren't meant just for our family, but for all of us as a nation. In the way that all of you have been thanking us for sharing mom with you, our mom never failed to thank each of us.

To my ate, our oldest sister, Ballsy, I would like to say thank you for being beside mom, working for her and with her from the time of dad's death. Thank you ate for always keeping the peace. For always being so patient with all of us. For always being ready to listen to each of us.

To my brother-in-law, Eldon, my nephews Jiggy and Lloydy thank you for sharing your home with mom during her entire illness. Sa inyo siya tumira, thank you.

To my sister Pinky, you and I will forever share that most painful memory of seeing mom finally break down and released all her pains that she so bravely tried to conceal from all of us. Mom never allowed us to see her vulnerable because she was always our strength.

Pinky, you and I needed to witness this for us to understand that it was time to let her go. To my brother-in-law, Manolo, to Miguel and to Nina, every night you made the effort to pray the rosary with Mom. Together with Ate's family, you all made sure that mom would never feel that she was alone.

To my sister Viel, you've always been the most quiet. And yet you organized everything in the hospital. You were the one meeting with mom's doctors and together with Dodo, you were the one who tirelessly researched all medical options and possible treatments for mom. Kiko found his voice and was so articulate in our family prayers. Gia made mom feel so proud with her musical talents.

To my brother Noy, in the same way that mom was so patient and loving towards Josh, I want to thank you for giving Josh so much of your love, your patience, and your caring. Noy, alam ko sa hospital sinabi sa 'yo ni Josh, 'Please, Tito Noy, never get married.'"

Sana maintindihan mo, you're now his security blanket. You've taken Mom's place as his protector. Pero huwag kang mag-alala, kaming mga kapatid mo, kung saan ka liligaya, puwede na rin.

Kagaya po ng pangakong iniwan ng Dad at Mom sa ating bayan, Noy, ikaw at ako ang nasa posisyon para ipagpatuloy ang lahat ng kanilang nasimulan. Noy, you know all that...during our last conversation with Mom, nangako ako sa kanya. Whatever support you needed, I will be there for you.

James told me now that Mom is gone, he has lost his number one supporter. James and I thanked Mom for reminding us to constantly try to be supportive of each other. Mom always told us, we should bring out the best in each other. Mula po nang ipinanganak ko si Baby James, sa dalawang taon na nakapiling siya ng mom, every time na nakikita ng mom si Baby James, 'pag ine-enjoy niya yung atensiyon ng mga tao, kapag tsina-charming niyang lahat, sabi ng Mom, akong-ako daw si Baby James.

"MOM, I LIED TO YOU."

For all my life, I would constantly hear mom tell everybody that I was the female Ninoy. I was truly my dad's daughter. Maybe that's why I always felt that I was mom's favorite.

Mom, I know in your lifetime, among with your children, you went through the most for me. Pero gusto ko ring maniwala dahil nasabi mo sa akin, that I was able to give you the most joy. I would also like to believe that in the last twelve days of your life, when I never left your side, during the moment when you most needed me to be brave, when you needed me to be reassuring, to de decisive, and to be strong for you, the very same best qualities in you, I was finally able to find within myself.

Thank you is not difficult. Expressing your love is not hard. Pero ngayon, how do I find the words to say goodbye? Paano bang magpaalam kapag alam mo at alam ng puso mo na hindi pa rin sapat ang panahon na ibinahagi sa 'yo ng Diyos, sa piling ng iyong pinakamamahal?

I'm sorry, Mom. Mom, I lied to you. Nagsinungaling ako when I told you that we would be okay. I did this because we wanted you to be free from all your pains, at para hindi ka na mag-alala tungkol sa amin. Pero, Mom, it will take a lifetime for us to be okay because we will forever miss you. Wala nang makakasabay si Ate pauwi from the office. Na makakakuwentuhan niya about everything na nangyari that day.

Wala nang magdadasal kasabay ni Pinky that Miguel would have the good job. Wala nang magsasabi kay Viel how impressed she was at the simplicity of Viel's family. Wala na rin yung tao na hindi lang nagkampanya, pero gumastos ng malaki para matulungan si Noy manalo sa apat na beses niyang pagtakbo.

Wala nang magte-text sa akin tuwing maglu-launch ang bagong programa ko ng good luck, at pagkatapos, as soon as mag-end ang show, nagko-congratulate kaagad to say, 'I'm proud of you.'

But maybe, that was love is really all about. It means sacrificing your personal happiness and interest for the good of the one you love. It's forcing yourself to let go, so that your Mom will be free from pain.

I love you, Mom. I thank you for the privilege of being your child. And for every day that I will be missing you, I will remind myself that my greatest gift to you will be living a life that will make you proud that I am your daughter.

Dad, please take care of Mom. It's your turn now. You were her one and only love, and now that you're together again, no matter how painful it is for us to let her go, we are comforted knowing that Mom is happy to be reunited with you.

I love you, Mom. Goodbye,

Mom. Maraming salamat at paalam

Taking the Last Breathe...of her

by konzen13

As wind began to blow a cold but memorable wind, coming from a very familiar lake, i sat on the soft ground covered with well laid vermuda grass, watching her walk.. walking away from me. Her face so familiar, more familiar than the place i used to go to, my alma mater. It was in this place that i knew her, young, un aware of the world, yet i knew she was a special friend i could hold dear.

But this scene was not the one I envisioned to be, I could have wished she was walking towards me, and have a long nice conversation to catch up with time. Instead, saw her already distance from me, I could see her waving but couldn't hear her voice. I tried to stand, run towards her and say that teary goodbye. But couldn't, the distance just gets longer as seconds pass, and then it suddenly rang. My phone waking me before my alarm could tick its first call to morning. A dream, no a nightmare I wish would never happen.

As I began to come to my senses, it was 5:35am in the morning, the sun was yet to show its bright rays, a not so good time to wake up early after a night of search. Last night was a sleepless night. I don't know why but somehow, I felt she was already living, or may have left already. I knew she had a flight coming, going abroad was a common destination in our place. Most of my batchmates have already freed themselves from the chain of life-death balance in our country, and I promised to follow, but haven't yet. I knew she would go, but always expected she would call after she had her date of departure. Never expected that she would just go without saying goodbye to her bestfriend, at least that's how I value her, best friend, my special friend.

And last night, everything didn't feel right. I had the feeling its her time to go. I tried her cell for any luck, as I've been trying the past three weeks to desperately have a hold of her, nothing. Her past numbers, just beep, a reminder that she might just wanna stay off my reach. But this time was a desperate time, tried her new close friend, the one she reside with, but she changed number as well and didn't have her new number. Her old friend that I knew well, she might knew, but no luck. I tried facebook, friendster, but hope was getting thinner as each minute that dies. My last hope, her sister, scanned my old sim if I kept her number, but just couldn't find one. It was a troubling night, and I felt hopeless. Nothing more but try to suppress this feeling, feeling that I'd be losing a friend and there's nothing I can do about it.

My phone continues to ring, I finally realize I'm awake. The call was from an unknown number, it must be important if he had to wake me up this early. As I answer the phone, there she was, her soft sweet voice, asking me if I still recognize her. Stunned, of course I would recognize her, how could I forget those voice that I long to hear. Yet I knew, call this early has to be something big, even for hear. And she finally said it, "I'm at the airport", a clichè, seeing her from a distance, just waving her hands. She said things that should calm my panicking mind but I couldn't hear her, just like that dream. I swear I could see her talking but I've hear none. All I could think is her, going away, without even having to say goodbye. No hugs, no goodbye tears, no smiling and no promise of reunification. Just a last minute unexpected call of goodbye. Three more hours and then oceans would be the distance that would come between us.

Three more hours... Wait, as if grasping for my final breathe. I'm an hour away from the airport, doing the math, I could still have less than two hours with her. And without 2nd thought, I performed a magic of my own, like a street performer change cards in an instant, I changed my clothes in a blink of an eye, and before I know it, I was calling taxi and making my final sprint to see her.

What was it that kept me sitting in my dream, why wasn't I able to run after her when there was still time. I never thought about that, I shouldn't, I couldn't, I just wouldn't. This is indeed a desperate time when reasoning becomes no more than a pack of lunch I've left at home.

And finally, sight of big gigantic airplanes, one will carry her away for a long time, can I be on it too?, just wishful thinking. After hope of seeing her, reality finally sets in, the airport is no public place where you can just come in and out. High level security and guards taught to be harsh to people without papers, and obviously I have none. And she had checked-in hours ago and I couldn't just pull her out, they wouldn't her out. It's not as if I didn't thought of this, that seeing her just wouldn't happen. But sometimes, when determination overtakes reasoning, you still goes through something despite the idea is inevitable, because sometimes, failure is more bearable than the guilt and regret you'll have when you never tried.

As I make my desperate move, pretend to be ignorant with the system, or pretend to know more about the system to have a way in, all means failed, and all I could do is feel that remorse. Nothing else to do but sit and wonder, is it really time to let go? I reached for my cell and called her. And finally said "goodbye. . ." And though the walls between us might be thick or thin, or she might be just above me on the upper level, it felt like she's already gone. Like I've chased a ghost this morning I was never bound to reach. A short conversation and no teary goodbyes, just pretentious good luck and occasional laugh, I hung up.

At this instance, I knew our world have finally took its final leap, mine going west, and her going east. No one knows how long she'll be gone, but I'm sure of one thing, part of her remains, and it will always connect our world no matter the distance is. Out on the already bright sunlight, I took a walk to have a view of her carrier and smiled. I may have failed but I tried. Then a cold wind suddenly blows toward me, like those time in my dream. Now I know, I was never meant to follow her, I was meant to sit there and wait for her, no matter what, I should wait. Then I took a deep breathe and inhaled as much air as I can, "This is same air she breathe with today, and I'm glad to have breathe with same air today, tomorrow will be completely another atmosphere..." And so on that very moment, I took my last breathe with her.

You will always be missed. Waiting for your return.