Beneath the Darkness

Ever been so down? Felt the whole world would collapse around you and yet it didn't. It kept on hanging on balance that you'd wish it would just fall on you and end it once and for all. But still, it didn't. 'Til you realize it wouldn't fall and you have to live under that rumble and chaos. Just like meeting death and yet you are well awake and living through it. Then you realize it makes you stronger, emotionally disturbed, maybe. spiritually challenged, a bit, mentally ill, no, just refined thinking. And yes, it makes you stand above those who never knew death. Dead And yet well Awake...

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Fool's Reach: A Tragedy from the Beginning

Staring at the ceiling, cold dark night, I lay on my back. Feeling my heart squeezing tighter each passing minute. I can’t recall how long I’ve been lying motionless. The deafening silence doesn’t help, as I grasp for any kind comfort that I can find. No tears are falling and yet I feel like my eyes are heavy with the burden of sadness. I wish they would just fall, the tears.

My world have once again been shattered into pieces. Relentless pain pierce through my aching heart as my world crumbles like mountain turning to stones. The beauty of creation is now turning into a domino of destruction. How did I end up in this tragedy? How could I be so careless and let these things happen?

I raise my hand and stare at my palm. A sculptor uses he’s hand to create his masterpiece. Is this hand responsible for getting me into this mess? Perhaps I’m just looking for someone, or something to blame. The truth is, I only have myself to blame.

We are but fools, trying to justify our foolishness. From the start, I knew nothing good can come from this affection I have found. I have my limits and I have my restrictions, but I also have my weakness. Despite all signs pointing east, I still, like chasing a fool’s gold, faced west and took a step towards my own self destruction.

And now I’m at the last step I took west. Roads stopped, trails end in a deep ravine. And worst, roads going back have vanished into the darkness. Standing with nowhere to go, I watch as the world around me crumbles. Perhaps this is what is meant to be foolish. Perhaps I can only stay here and watch as people around me go their way, into the path they happily walk. And I am here, alone, breaking into pieces. Vanishing into oblivion.

The funny thing is, this is not the first time I’ve been on this road. Stranded in an island of darkness. How did I escape that time? How did I manage to come out as a whole, or have I ever been whole? I could not remember, I could not know how to live from here…

Yeah I remember, I have always been stuck in this piece of land I’m standing on. Perhaps it is not me that walked here, but it is the world that moves while I just stand here. People pass me by as I just stand here. I can no longer recall how long I’ve been here, or how many people have passed me by. I can only recall the pain that people have left behind. And every moment, it hurts like hell, as it hurts now.


If I survived this before, perhaps I can now. But how can I move away from this darkness? How can I move along with the world? I close my eyes, lower my hands into my face. And tears started to fall.

1 comment:

  1. That was very moving, intriguing, and fit for the crumbling of the world around me....around us. It almost takes me on a ponder roll, as to if there is anything else to comfort me, motivate me, and hold me even if only for one minute more past the second of when things began to slide down.

    Or maybe even longer.
    I LIKE IT. :)

    ReplyDelete

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